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沒有對深愛的人說“謝謝”

http://www.books.com.tw/exep/prod/booksfile.php?item=0010477246


在日本有這樣一位年輕的臨終關懷護士大津秀一。他在親眼目睹、親耳聽到1000例患者的臨終遺憾後,寫下了《臨終前會後悔的25件事》一書。

別讓下面這些遺憾變成你的遺憾 
第一個遺憾:沒有做自己想做的事。

大津秀一說:“人們臨終前最常說的一句話就是,人這一輩子啊,太​短了。 ”有人削尖腦袋往上爬,有人辭官歸故里;有人自甘平庸,也有人孜孜以求。人生有很多活法,千萬別被別人的價值觀“綁架
”,不要把別人希望你過的生活當作是你想要的生活。想談戀愛,現在就行動吧;想學點什麼,現在就開始吧。人生就像個旅行團,你已經加入了,不走完全程,豈不可惜?

第二個遺憾:沒有實現夢想。
當人們在生命盡頭往回看時,往往會發現有好多夢想沒有實現。“真正的後悔,其實 不是因為沒有實現夢想,多半是責怪自己沒能盡100%的力量實現夢想。”堅持 夢想是一件“知易行難”的事。一個沒有期限的夢想只是個夢,給夢想加一個“截止日期”,把它變成現實的目標,才更容易實現。

第三個遺憾:做過對不起良心的事。
人非聖賢,孰能無過?一輩子不做錯事,是根本不可能的。即便不肯殺生的佛家弟子,也難以避免走在路上踩死一隻螞蟻。為了生存而做的無損原則的“壞事”是可以被原諒的,與其背著罪惡感生活,不如放下包袱往前看。 

第四個遺憾:被感情左右度過一生。
現實生活中,感性的人總是嘲笑理性的人“活的太嚴肅”。其實,太在乎自己的感受又能如何?笑過、哭過、發洩過,生活也不會因此改變。也許真要等臨終一刻才能明白,每天為之煩惱、痛苦、傷心、氣憤、達到忍耐極限的事,是多麼可笑和不值一提。

第五個遺憾:沒有盡力幫助過別人。
或是冷漠,或是怕吃虧,讓很多人不敢做個善良人。其實,善良的人很少後悔,他們活得坦然、心安,那是善良給予他們的美好回報。去幫助那些需要你的人,“被人需要”的感覺遠比“索取”好得多。

第六個遺憾:過於相信自己。 
我們都有過這樣自大自負甚至唯我獨尊的時刻,認為自己不後悔做過的任何一件事。這樣雖然看起來很積極,但卻顯得盲目。總有一些事,別人比你想的細致周到,多聽一句、多想一秒,可以讓你少走很多冤枉路。

第七個遺憾:沒有妥善安置財產。
現在因為財產引發的家庭糾紛越來越多。其實,作為老人,一定要把處置財產當做一件重要的事,在世時就規劃好。如果子女多,分配一定要公平,不要因為錢物,傷了孩子們間的感情。 

第八個遺憾:沒有考慮過身後事。
這一點和處置財產很相似。一個人活著,會留下很多印記。周圍的人和事,都會因為你的離開而變化。提早規劃一下,不但可以讓自己更坦然接受生老病死,也能提醒自己好好享受人生。別等走不動、聽不懂話的時候,才發現還有很多事情沒做。

第九個遺憾:沒有回故鄉。
每人心裏都有一個地方被埋在最深處,卻一生不忘———這就是故鄉。很多人會念叨,等我退休了就回老家。往往等來等去,最後回家的只是一個骨灰罈。有生之年,盡量每年都回家看看,聽聽鄉音、吃點美食。這個在地理上讓你無法割捨的地方,也是你靈魂的一個居所。

第十個遺憾:沒有享受過美食。
你是否把好吃的東西都留給孩子,因為工作忙每頓飯都隨便打發,或是為了健康每天只吃所謂的“營養”食物?吃飯,不僅為了飽腹,它還滿足我們很多心理需求。品嘗美食,也是一種很好的心靈治療。還有就是,別放棄任何一個和家人吃飯的機 會,總有一天,這個飯桌上的人會慢慢消失。

第十一個遺憾:大部分時間都用來工作。 
在這個逐利的社會,工作、金錢、權勢成為成功的金標準,很多人到老才後悔,那麼好的青春,怎麼都獻給工作了呢?看看大自然的樣子,感受季節的變化,聆聽藝術的召喚,這些事情不會讓你變富有,卻會讓你的人生有意義。

第十二個遺憾:沒有去想去的地方旅行。
積存了很多旅行計劃卻沒有成行,因為孩子太小、錢太少、休假太少或是工作離不開?很多人都覺得,旅行任何時候都可以去,只有生病的人才懂得,旅行也是一種奢侈品。

第十三個遺憾:沒有和想見的人見面。       
可能是你小學時最喜歡的老師,可能是你的初戀,誰的生命都不能永恒,尤其是那些 比你年長的人,哪怕身在異地,也可以專門拜訪一下。我們應該抱著“一期一會”的觀念生活。這是日本茶道的用語,“一期”就是一生,“ 一會”就是一次相會,說的是人生的每一個瞬間都不能重復,所以每一次的相會都變成了僅有的一次。

第十四個遺憾:沒能談一場永存記憶的戀愛。
愛,也是人存活世間的證明。我們經常看到,在一起的人未必不相愛,相愛的人卻被迫分開,這是人生無常,也怪很多人自己沒有努力。愛應該是一種忠誠和無私的付出,一種勇敢而無畏的表達,這是我們作為人的權利,千萬不能只當兒戲。

第十五個遺憾:一輩子都沒有結婚。
很多人年輕時覺得婚姻可有可無,一個人更自在。年紀大了卻開始後悔,沒有一個可以相互扶持的人。雖然好姻緣可遇不可求,但是也得自己努力,碰到合適的人千萬不要猶豫。這個世界上不會有“最合適​”的人,“比較合適”     的人也不會等你一輩子。 

第十六個遺憾:沒有孩子。 
現在很多人覺得,“我自己都還是孩子,怎麼養孩子呢?”其實,為人父母,不僅是為了傳承血脈,也是一種“活過的證據”。想想到了老年時兒孫滿堂的歡樂,年輕時養育子女受的苦又算什麼呢?

第十七個遺憾:沒有看到孩子結婚。
有些子女認為“不結婚”是自己的私事,和父母沒有關係。相反,很多老人生前最大的遺憾,就是沒有看到自己兒女結婚。婚姻確實是私事,但有時候,不結婚卻是件“自私”的事。不妨也站在父母的角度考慮,努力了卻他們的遺憾吧。 


第十八個遺憾:沒有注意身體健康。
年輕時,身體是可以最肆意揮霍的資本,熬夜、喝酒、抽煙……健康是這樣一個東西,你擁有它的時候往往感覺不到它的存在,失去它的時候才發現,它是那麼的重要。從現在開始,努力改掉一些壞習慣,為自己和身邊的人,健康生活。

第十九個遺憾:沒有戒煙。
很多癌症和慢性病都和吸煙有關,不少患者直到查出肺癌,才開始悔過沒及早戒煙。很多人抱著僥倖的心理吸煙,覺得倒霉事不會落到自己頭上。克制慾望需要勇氣和付出,但你的付出會以“健康”這種方式再返還給你。

第二十個遺憾:沒有表明自己的真實意願。
我們怕得罪人,怕給別人添麻煩,在意別人怎麼看自己,這樣在無形中漠視了自己的 真實意願。其實,無論什麼時候,都該說出你真實的想法。只要願意溝通,你會發現,事情比你想得簡單得多。

第二十一個遺憾:沒有認清活著的意義。
活著,絕不僅僅是壽命的一個數字,而是你活的質量。大津秀一碰到過一個癌症晚期的病人,他把生命僅剩的三個月,分成了許多個周期,每個周期做一件想做的事情。哪怕只剩一天,都用來過最好的生活。這就是活著的意義。 

第二十二個遺憾:沒有留下自己生存過的證據。
很多人覺得,留下房子、財產就是生存的證據,其實不對。既然在這個世界上走過,總該有些精神食糧留給後人。不管是工作、研究、學業上的成就,還是寫給親人、朋 友的信,都是這樣的“證據”。

第二十三個遺憾:沒有看透生死。
看透生死不代表輕視生命,而是以一種更理性的姿態活著。中國人往往忌諱談論死亡,其實,死亡只是所有生命共同的歸途。不用忌諱,更不用懼怕。 

第二十四個遺憾:沒有信仰。
雖然很多人沒有信仰一樣活得很好,但是有信仰的人,會更透徹懂得人生的意義。尤 其在面對困苦、無助的時候,信仰更可以成為一種強大的治癒力量。

第二十五個遺憾:沒有對深愛的人說“謝謝”。
很多時候,我們在外彬彬有禮,對親密的人說話卻毫無顧忌。用好語言是人際交往的一門大學問,哪怕是親近的人,也不必靦腆,要常說“謝謝”、 “對不起”和“我愛你”,這是為感情保溫的最好辦法。

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提早「告訴你」,遠勝以後「早知道」 

關於飲食 
1. 在牛奶和豆漿之間,選擇後者 
2. 覺得還可以再吃半碗飯時,離開餐桌 
3. 如果身體不感到飢渴,每天只需飲用4杯水 
4. 多喝酸奶 
5. 無論什麼原因,都別抽煙 
6. 在食譜裡添加雜糧和菜蔬 
7. 飲綠茶勝過紅茶 
8. 重視早餐多過晚餐 
9. 控制鹽的用量 
10. 起床後先刷牙,再喝水 
11. 經常嚼口香糖 
12. 一早一晚,兩個蘋果可以有效改善便秘 
13. 純素食可能導致荷爾蒙分泌異常,造成不孕 
14. 每周至少吃一次魚 
15. 遠離可樂等碳酸飲料 
16. 不喝久煮的火鍋湯 
17. 沒有果汁牛奶這回事,它們是天生的冤家 
18. 飯前吃水果勝過飯後 
19. 睡前可以來一杯紅葡萄酒 
20. 喝咖啡可能引起女性骨質疏松 
關於運動 
1. 多享受早晨8-9點的陽光 
2. 跑步、騎腳踏車等運動可以保持優美的腿部線條 
3. 熱水泡腳可有效預防靜脈曲張 
4. 精神極度疲倦時並不適宜以運動減壓,休息更重要 
5. 冬季少做戶外運動 
6. 10層以下,不乘坐電梯 
7. 每三個月改變一次你的健身選單 
8. 每天運動半小時,而非週末運動3小時 
9. 邊看電視邊做柔軟體操 
10. 經常散步 
11. 午休也是健身的好時間,不一定非等到晚上 
12. 光腳穿運動鞋固然舒服,卻對健康不利 
13. 睡半硬的床鋪更有利於頸椎健康 
14. 去正規的醫院而非美容院接受按摩 
15. 非運動狀態下不喝功能性飲料 
16. 運動後休息半小時再入浴 
17. 不在過吵的健身房中鍛鍊 
18. 正確的姿勢比專程去健身更有效 
關於伴侶︰ 
伴侶不是結婚時發願非你不娶或非你不嫁的那個人,

而是發現你身上有許多缺點仍然選擇你的那個人; 
伴侶不是生活中你愛吃黃瓜他也愛吃黃瓜的那個人,

而是你吃蛋清他吃蛋黃的那個人; 
伴侶不是天黑了和你一起手挽手走進飯店的那個人,

而是守在門口巴望你回來共進晚餐的那個人; 
伴侶不是和你大談愛情,把“我愛你”掛在嘴邊的那個人,

而是和你平淡的嘮叨柴米油鹽、鍋碗瓢盆的那個人。 
在福祉的婚姻中,伴侶已不是一個具體的人,

而是你和他在幾十年的歲月中沈澱下來的︰

一份默契、一份溫情、一份平淡、一份理解、一份寬容。

愛他就要讓他開心,這就是伴侶...

關於微笑︰ 
被人誤解的時候能微微的一笑,這是一種素養; 
受委屈的時候能坦然的一笑,這是一種大度; 
吃虧的時候能開心的一笑,這是一種豁達; 
處窘境的時候能自嘲的一笑,這是一種智慧; 
無奈的時候能達觀的一笑,這是一種境界; 
危難的時候能泰然一笑,這是一種大氣; 
被輕蔑的時候能平靜的一笑,這是一種自信; 
失戀的時候能輕輕的一笑,這是一種灑脫。 
不管是有什麼事情,為了什麼原因.....我們每天都要開心一笑......... 

關於生活︰ 
日出東海落西山,愁也一天,喜也一天; 
遇事不鑽牛角尖,人也舒坦,心也舒坦; 
每天領取謀生錢,多也喜歡,少也喜歡; 
少葷多素日三餐,粗也香甜,細也香甜; 
新舊衣服不挑撿,好也御寒,賴也御寒; 
常與知己聊聊天,古也談談,今也談談; 
全家老少互慰勉,貧也相安,富也相安。

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中國質檢網 http://www.cqn.com.cn/

中金在線 http://big5.cnfol.com/

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大陸招聘網站

前程無優
http://www.51job.com/default-area.php?area=0200

中華英才網

http://searchjob.chinahr.com/

智聯招聘

http://www.zhaopin.com/

58 同城網

http://www.58.com/

趕集網

http://www.ganji.com/

 

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10月12日 15:42 基金網  
網友資料
全家現居住在杭州,一家五口和睦的住在一起,身體都很健康,都有基本社保和醫療險:
1、家庭成員情況
   馬女士,23周歲,傢俱商行員工,購買了商業定期壽險,每年406元。
   丈夫,26周歲,財產保險代理人,商業定期壽險841元/年。
   女兒,2周歲,少兒萬能險1.2萬元/年。
   父親,50周歲,個體戶。
   母親,49周歲,無業,明年起領養老金1.5萬元。
2、家庭金融資產和現金流情況:
   父親有存款40萬元,另有30萬元存款是為3年後裝修─拆遷補償房子專備。父親年收入4萬元,每年家裏開支2萬元。
   馬女士夫婦有存款3萬元,馬女士年收入3.5萬元,丈夫年收入6萬元,汽油費1.5萬元/年,兩夫妻開支1.5萬元/年, 女兒開支1萬元/年, 基金定投1.2萬元/年。
   理財目標:
  1、儲備女兒的高等教育金
      2、小夫妻養老金儲備
  3、現有資產的增值保值

和訊理財特約漢和理財 理財規劃中心 理財師團隊制定理財方案:

 一、財務分析:

現有家庭總存款73萬元(父母70萬元,馬女士小家庭3萬元),家庭年收入13.5萬元,明年將增加1.5萬元的養老金,家庭年生活開支7.2萬元 (含1.2萬元基金定投),年保險費開支13247元,年結余比為43%,超過參考值30%,全家收支狀況控制良好。3年後將拿到拆遷補償房4套,無負 債,家庭財務狀況良好。


家庭現在存在的主要理財問題是:現金類存款數額較大,增值能力較低;家庭風險保障欠佳;夫婦養老金需儲備。


 二、理財規劃方案
   1、現金規劃


家庭現金類儲備一般為家庭月均支出的3~6倍,以滿足家庭一般生活開支和突發事件開支。目前您家庭的現金類資產過高,大大降低了收益性。建議小夫妻家 庭儲備金保留2萬元;吳女士父母儲備金保留5萬元,其中現金和活期存款3萬元,2萬元購買貨幣市場基金;作為家庭的意外支出儲備。夫婦可各辦理一張貸記信 用卡,以備不時之需。

 2、家庭風險保障規劃

目前馬女士家庭的主要保險為社會養老保險和商業定期壽險產品,不夠完善。根據馬女士家庭現在的家庭結余情況,暫建議為家庭成員優先購買意外險。

  3、教育規劃

女兒至大學畢業前的學費基本可由現在購買的萬能險予以支付。假設女兒大學畢業後,出國留學兩年,按現在留學的一般費用每年20萬元,共計40萬元,離 女兒留學還有約20年,以4%的增長率,20年後約需留學費用88萬元,建議夫婦每月1500元定投于年回報率為8%的較穩健基金產品中,屆時將累計足夠 資金用於女兒留學開支。


4、養老規劃

假設馬女士夫婦30年後退休,建議從現在起,每月820元定投于年回報率為7%的優質基金,30年後預期可有累積金約100萬元。待夫婦收入增加後,可適當購置一些商業養老險。

5、其他:

馬女士父母的存款40萬元通過現金規劃後,還有餘額35萬元。建議投資于穩健性債券型基金、短期銀行理財產品中,作為二老的養老金和重大疾病費用儲備。

另30萬元的裝修款,可投資于債券型基金或等於小于3年的固定收益類等穩健性產品中,待需用時贖回。

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25歲的喬小姐,從事IT技術工作,目前單身,現在與父母同住。現金及活期存款4萬元,基金及股票2萬元,喬小姐自己開一輛奧拓。喬小姐收入5000 元,每月支出合計4000元,現在每月幾乎沒有剩餘。除公司的五險一金外,還投保了大病,意外保險。打算今年結婚,未婚夫目前待業。喬小姐現在無房貸車貸,想一兩年內要孩子,希望利用合理的理財方法使得存款在5年內達到20萬以上。
【號脈問診】
喬小姐目前尚未成家,現在與父母同住,有一份收入穩定、社會保障相對全面的工作,整體來看資產負債狀況良好。
不過每月支出佔月收入的80%,節余有點偏少。可喜的是堅持定投基金的方式進行強迫性儲蓄,在時間加複利的雙重效應下,可獲得較為可觀的投資收益。但由於每月結余不足,遠不能起到積沙成壘的作用,如何解決開源節流的問題成為當務之急。
【對症下藥】
現金規劃:沒有穩定的現金流注入,資產增長速度會大打折扣。當前急需開始養成堅持每月記賬的習慣,這也是邁出正確理財的第一步,月底要總結本月的開支情況,正視每筆支出的流向,將那些無用的開支作以總結,當每月工資到賬時,就將這筆“無用”的金額一併投入到基金賬戶中,摘掉月光族的帽子。
投資規劃:根據喬小姐的情況建議要採取分散投資,可以適當搭配股票型基金和風險收益相對有保證的債券型或貨幣型的理財產品。將現有的4萬元現金及活期存款扣除三個月消費支出的緊急備用金後(保持在現有賬戶中即可),投可選擇投資預期年化回報收益率在6%左右的投資產品,再加上基金及股票2萬元和每月的定投基金,以平均收益率為8%計算,運作5年後基本上能夠達到積累資金20萬元以上的目標。
風險保障規劃:考慮到喬小姐的未婚夫目前待業,婚後計劃一兩年要孩子會給新組建的家庭帶來相當大的經濟負擔,如果可能的話未婚夫就業成功,就會在很大程度上緩解家庭的生計狀況,要孩子的計劃具備了更高的可行性。由於現階段未婚夫沒有任何社會保障,建議應考慮購買消費型的意外商業保險給喬小姐的未婚夫以帶來必要的保障。同時要注意在孩子出生後,儘早考慮子女教育規劃的安排問題。
本主題由 班馬 于 2011-10-13 17:09 

 

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三季度數據10月中旬公佈 全年經濟定局

國家統計局將於10月14日公佈9月份CPI、PPI數據,並將於18日舉行新聞發佈會公佈三季度主要經濟數據。

但從目前情況看,我國宏觀經濟運行情況大局已定:今年經濟增速仍會保持在9%以上,全年通脹有望控制在5%左右。

http://news.cnyes.com/Content/20110930/KDZA9NERXU2U.shtml?c=detail

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何謂四四三三法則? http://www.gogofund.com/convch/fund/sf4433remark.asp
 
基金評比權威台大財務金融所教授邱顯比、李存修曾建議使用四四三三法則來挑選基金,為國內最常使用的基金評選方式,本功能僅依四四三三法則公式以系統進行搜尋。
四四三三法則代表的意義如下:
第一個 『四』:一年期基金績效排名在同類型基金前四分之一
第二個 『四』:二年、三年、五年、今年以來基金績效在同類型基金前四分之一
第三個 『三』:六個月基金績效排名在同類型基金前三分之一
第四個 『三』:三個月基金績效排名在同類型基金前三分之一
四四三三法則係依據基金過去三個月、六個月、一年、二年、三年、五年及今年以來至今的績效報酬在其同類型基金之相對位置,篩選出特定類型中長期績效表現「穩定強勢」的基金以作為投資組合配置的參考。

 

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【經濟日報╱記者侯雅燕/綜合報導】

2011.10.01 04:19 am


溫州企業主「跑路潮」蔓延,溫州政府緊急於日前指派工作小組進駐銀行,要求「不抽資、不壓貸」,試圖為企業爭取喘息時間。
(本報系資料庫)

受資金收緊衝擊,溫州企業主「跑路潮」蔓延,溫州政府緊急於日前指派工作小組進駐銀行,要求「不抽資、不壓貸」,試圖為企業爭取喘息時間。
據第一財經報導,在銀行和民間借貸同時催債的雙重壓力下,導致溫州中小民企資金鏈紛紛斷裂。從溫州市金融辦獲悉,截至27日,已經有26家企業的企業主跑路,涉及金額正在調查之中。而且僅
9月22 日一天就有九家企業主跑路,加劇趨勢明顯,引起了大陸官方高度警覺。

為此,溫州市政府緊急於29日召開記者會,分析當前企業、金融、民間借貸等方面的問題,並通報經濟金融維穩和民間金融規範措施。

溫州市政府對媒體表示,市政府下一步將組織調查組進駐全市銀行縣級以上支行,市政府組織25個調查組,每組由一位副縣處級幹部帶隊,進駐25個市級銀行業機構。

調查組將協助銀行業機構做好銀企融資對接,要求銀行業機構「不抽資、不壓貸」;協助銀行業機構瞭解貸款企業情況,防止中小企業出現資金鏈斷裂情況。

此外,溫州市政府網站9月29日發布一份「意見」,則敦促落跑的企業主盡快返回處理後續事宜。「意見」表示,「對繼續回避的,公安、勞動保障等部門要強勢介入,嚴查快辦;對惡意欠薪,搞『假倒閉』、“『假出走』、「假破產』的,要從嚴從重處理。企業主管部門、銀行業機構、公安機關要相互配合,必要時控制相關人員出境。」

香港中通社指出,事實上,溫州小企業高利貸崩盤只是大陸全國民間借貸市場這一金融灰色地帶危機的一個縮影。

就目前了解的情況看,借貸風險高危區除了浙江省之外,還有江蘇、福建、河南以及內蒙古等省區。有專家認為,若無嚴格監管,恐釀成中國式信貸危機。

瑞信新近發表研究報告指出,據溫州政府的數據顯示,溫州的非常規貸款可能已經達到人民幣1,100億元(約新台幣5,280億元),是當地銀行貸款的20%。

若根據溫州的數據推算,中國20個主要城市的非常規貸款已經達到人民幣2.8兆元(約新台幣13.4兆元),全國則達到人民幣4兆元(約新台幣19.2兆元),佔常規貸款市場的8%。

盡管這些不是銀行貸款,但瑞信認為,大陸的銀行未來恐將要間接地承受這些非常規貸款的風險。

首先,非常規貸款牽涉到銀行作為安排人的委託貸款,一旦貸款人違約,銀行也會遭殃。

其次,倘若為銀行貸款提供擔保的企業陷入資金困境,那麼其作擔保的貸款,信貸風險亦會上升。

更重要的是,向銀行貸款的企業的財務狀況總體緊張,為銀行帶來嚴重的間接影響,這亦是最大的風險。

例如,如果地產商被迫要出售庫存來償還非常規渠道的貸款,那麼樓價總體會被壓低,所有發展商都有承受損失的風險,而有向這些發展商發放貸款的銀行亦會受到牽連。

【2011/10/01 經濟日報】@ http://udn.com/


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http://udn.com/NEWS/MAINLAND/MAI3/6624766.shtml#ixzz1ZUwGIhzQ
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http://www.marshallgoldsmithlibrary.com/cim/articles_display.php?aid=110


Adapted from Leader to Leader, Summer 2002
by Marshall Goldsmith

Providing feedback has long been considered to be an essential skill for leaders. As they strive to achieve the goals of the organization, employees need to know how they are doing. They need to know if their performance is in line with what their leaders expect. They need to learn what they have done well and what they need to change. Traditionally, this information has been communicated in the form of “downward feedback” from leaders to their employees. Just as employees need feedback from leaders, leaders can benefit from feedback from their employees. Employees can provide useful input on the effectiveness of procedures and processes and as well as input to managers on their leadership effectiveness. This “upward feedback” has become increasingly common with the advent of 360 degree multi-rater assessments.

But there is a fundamental problem with all types of feedback: it focuses on the past, on what has already occurred—not on the infinite variety of opportunities that can happen in the future. As such, feedback can be limited and static, as opposed to expansive and dynamic.

Over the past several years, I have observed more than thirty thousand leaders as they participated in a fascinating experiential exercise. In the exercise, participants are each asked to play two roles. In one role, they are asked provide feedforward —that is, to give someone else suggestions for the future and help as much as they can. In the second role, they are asked to accept feedforward—that is, to listen to the suggestions for the future and learn as much as they can. The exercise typically lasts for 10-15 minutes, and the average participant has 6-7 dialogue sessions. In the exercise participants are asked to: 

• Pick one behavior that they would like to change. Change in this behavior should make a significant, positive difference in their lives.


• Describe this behavior to randomly selected fellow participants. This is done in one-on-one dialogues. It can be done quite simply, such as, “I want to be a better listener.”

• Ask for feedforward—for two suggestions for the future that might help them achieve a positive change in their selected behavior. If participants have worked together in the past, they are not allowed to give ANY feedback about the past. They are only allowed to give ideas for the future. 

• Listen attentively to the suggestions and take notes. Participants are not allowed to comment on the suggestions in any way. They are not allowed to critique the suggestions or even to make positive judgmental statements, such as, “That’s a good idea.” 

• Thank the other participants for their suggestions.

• Ask the other persons what they would like to change.

• Provide feedforward - two suggestions aimed at helping the other person change.

• Say, “You are welcome.” when thanked for the suggestions. The entire process of both giving and receiving feedforward usually takes about two minutes.


• Find another participant and keep repeating the process until the exercise is stopped.

When the exercise is finished, I ask participants to provide one word that best describes their reaction to this experience. I ask them to complete the sentence, “This exercise was …”. The words provided are almost always extremely positive, such as “great”, “energizing”, “useful”, or “helpful.” One of the most commonly-mentioned words is “fun!”

What is the last word that comes to mind when we consider any feedback activity? Fun!

Eleven Reasons to Try FeedForward

Participants are then asked why this exercise is seen as fun and helpful as opposed to painful, embarrassing, or uncomfortable. Their answers provide a great explanation of why feedforward can often be more useful than feedback as a developmental tool.

1. We can change the future. We can’t change the past. Feedforward helps people envision and focus on a positive future, not a failed past. Athletes are often trained using feedforward. Racecar drivers are taught to, “Look at the road ahead, not at the wall.” Basketball players are taught to envision the ball going in the hoop and to imagine the perfect shot. By giving people ideas on how they can be even more successful (as opposed to visualizing a failed past), we can increase their chances of achieving this success in the future.

2. It can be more productive to help people learn to be “right,” than prove they were “wrong.” Negative feedback often becomes an exercise in “let me prove you were wrong.” This tends to produce defensiveness on the part of the receiver and discomfort on the part of the sender. Even constructively delivered feedback is often seen as negative as it necessarily involves a discussion of mistakes, shortfalls, and problems. Feedforward, on the other hand, is almost always seen as positive because it focuses on solutions – not problems.

3. Feedforward is especially suited to successful people. Successful people like getting ideas that are aimed at helping them achieve their goals. They tend to resist negative judgment. We all tend to accept feedback that is consistent with the way we see ourselves. We also tend to reject or deny feedback that is inconsistent with the way we see ourselves. Successful people tend to have a very positive self-image. I have observed many successful executives respond to (and even enjoy) feedforward. I am not sure that these same people would have had such a positive reaction to feedback. 

4. Feedforward can come from anyone who knows about the task. It does not require personal experience with the individual. One very common positive reaction to the previously described exercise is that participants are amazed by how much they can learn from people that they don’t know! For example, if you want to be a better listener, almost any fellow leader can give you ideas on how you can improve. They don’t have to know you. Feedback requires knowing about the person. Feedforward just requires having good ideas for achieving the task.

5. People do not take feedforward as personally as feedback. In theory, constructive feedback is supposed to “focus on the performance, not the person”. In practice, almost all feedback is taken personally (no matter how it is delivered). Successful people’s sense of identity is highly connected with their work. The more successful people are, the more this tends to be true. It is hard to give a dedicated professional feedback that is not taken personally. Feedforward cannot involve a personal critique, since it is discussing something that has not yet happened! Positive suggestions tend to be seen as objective advice – personal critiques are often viewed as personal attacks.

6. Feedback can reinforce personal stereotyping and negative self-fulfilling prophecies. Feedforward can reinforce the possibility of change. Feedback can reinforce the feeling of failure. How many of us have been “helped” by a spouse, significant other, or friend, who seems to have a near-photographic memory of our previous “sins” that they share with us in order to point out the history of our shortcomings. Negative feedback can be used to reinforce the message, “this is just the way you are”. Feedforward is based on the assumption that the receiver of suggestions can make positive changes in the future.

7. Face it! Most of us hate getting negative feedback, and we don’t like to give it. I have reviewed summary 360 degree feedback reports for over 50 companies. The items, “provides developmental feedback in a timely manner” and “encourages and accepts constructive criticism” both always score near the bottom on co-worker satisfaction with leaders. Traditional training does not seem to make a great deal of difference. If leaders got better at providing feedback every time the performance appraisal forms were “improved”, most should be perfect by now! Leaders are not very good at giving or receiving negative feedback. It is unlikely that this will change in the near future.

8. Feedforward can cover almost all of the same “material” as feedback. Imagine that you have just made a terrible presentation in front of the executive committee. Your manager is in the room. Rather than make you “relive” this humiliating experience, your manager might help you prepare for future presentations by giving you suggestions for the future. These suggestions can be very specific and still delivered in a positive way. In this way your manager can “cover the same points” without feeling embarrassed and without making you feel even more humiliated.

9. Feedforward tends to be much faster and more efficient than feedback. An excellent technique for giving ideas to successful people is to say, “Here are four ideas for the future. Please accept these in the positive spirit that they are given. If you can only use two of the ideas, you are still two ahead. Just ignore what doesn’t make sense for you.” With this approach almost no time gets wasted on judging the quality of the ideas or “proving that the ideas are wrong”. This “debate” time is usually negative; it can take up a lot of time, and it is often not very productive. By eliminating judgment of the ideas, the process becomes much more positive for the sender, as well as the receiver. Successful people tend to have a high need for self-determination and will tend to accept ideas that they “buy” while rejecting ideas that feel “forced” upon them.

10. Feedforward can be a useful tool to apply with managers, peers, and team members. Rightly or wrongly, feedback is associated with judgment. This can lead to very negative – or even career-limiting – unintended consequences when applied to managers or peers. Feedforward does not imply superiority of judgment. It is more focused on being a helpful “fellow traveler” than an “expert”. As such it can be easier to hear from a person who is not in a position of power or authority. An excellent team building exercise is to have each team member ask, “How can I better help our team in the future?” and listen to feedforward from fellow team members (in one-on-one dialogues.) 

11. People tend to listen more attentively to feedforward than feedback. One participant is the feedforward exercise noted, “I think that I listened more effectively in this exercise than I ever do at work!” When asked why, he responded, “Normally, when others are speaking, I am so busy composing a reply that will make sure that I sound smart – that I am not fully listening to what the other person is saying I am just composing my response. In feedforward the only reply that I am allowed to make is ‘thank you’. Since I don’t have to worry about composing a clever reply – I can focus all of my energy on listening to the other person!”

In summary, the intent of this article is not to imply that leaders should never give feedback or that performance appraisals should be abandoned. The intent is to show how feedforward can often be preferable to feedback in day-to-day interactions. Aside from its effectiveness and efficiency, feedforward can make life a lot more enjoyable. When managers are asked, “How did you feel the last time you received feedback?” their most common responses are very negative. When managers are asked how they felt after receiving feedforward, they reply that feedforward was not only useful, it was also fun!

Quality communication—between and among people at all levels and every department and division—is the glue that holds organizations together. By using feedforward—and by encouraging others to use it—leaders can dramatically improve the quality of communication in their organizations, ensuring that the right message is conveyed, and that those who receive it are receptive to its content. The result is a much more dynamic, much more open organization—one whose employees focus on the promise of the future rather than dwelling on the mistakes of the past.


Dr. Marshall Goldsmith's 30 books include: Mojo: How to Get It, How to Keep It, and How to Get It Back When You Lose It! - a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USA Today (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller, was recognized as one of the top 10 business books of the year in The Toronto Globe and Mail, one of the top 10 leadership books in The Washington Post, one of seven New Year's resolution books in the Chicago Tribune and a book of the year in Conference Board Review. What Got You Here Won't Get You There - a New York Times best-seller, Wall Street Journal #1 business book and Harold Longman Award winner for Business Book of the Year, was listed as an INC magazine / CEO Read top ten bestselling business book for the fourth consecutive year. Succession: Are You Ready? is the newest edition to the Harvard Business 'Memo to the CEO' series. "Leadership Is a Contact Sport" (an article which Marshall co-authored with Howard Morgan) was included as one of nine articles in a special edition of Strategy + Business, which reprinted the outstanding articles in the history of the journal.   Marshall's personal website, www.MarshallGoldsmithLibrary.com, contains hundreds of his articles and videos.


 

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