何謂 "問問集"? 就是要提醒大家 (包括我自己), 要多問問題!
自大(關注自己) 與自信 (關注他人) 的對話集!
Daisy's Wonderful Sharing ~
Your friend who repeats a story over and over again with anger, is living in the "past-tense". It is a common thing to do when we are allowing ourselve to be angry with a particular situation or person. I do that far too often myself ! But thanks to coaching, I am learning to "let go".
For your friend, when she repeats the story with anger, she is allowing herself to direct her precious energy, time and other resources towards being angry at a past event.
In a similar situation, one of the question I have asked my clients (and myself) was - Why are you (am I) so angry ?
Your friend may repeat parts of the story again, but try to encourage her to identify what is actually causing that anger within her. What we are looking for is the feelings inside her that is causing the anger. The cause may be her pride being hurt, or her expectation not met or something else. Once you found the "root cause", acknowledge that "feeling" with her. Bear in mind that sometimes, if someone felt hurt, it does require time to heal and "let go", and each person is different when it comes to "how much" time is needed.
Next, you may wish to ask your friend her consent for you to ask the "miracle" question (I studied it from another cause, it is one of the coaching tools), which basically ask the following question -
"Imagine, when you go to bed tonight, after you have fallen asleep, a miracle happened, the problem you had is now fixed, totally disappeared. When you wake up the next morning, not knowing that the problem has actually gone away over night, what would be different about your day (in relation to that problem) ?"
If she is willing to continue the imagination, its a great start, because we are helping her to turn away from the "past-tense" and moving her towards "solution-focus" mode, looking into the "future-tense". Which is what coaching is all about. If you can get her to this point, I think it is a great start and you have applied two coaching tools on her, namely, questioning the "Why" and the "miracle question". This will also change the pattern of the next conversation she will have with you, hopfully she will not repeat the story again, but rather, both of you will be exploring ways/options to turn the "imaginary miracle" into a "real miracle" !